The Departure

Tomorrow, will be one week since he had departed to meet his Creator. It has been one week that I have lived without him.

This has been the longest week ever.

I had received a call by mistake that morning. They had intended to call someone else to inform of the demise to me. They were afraid that I might be doing something stupid if I had not been informed correctly. I don't even know myself what I would have done if they did. But, on the day they informed me of his death, I took the news with a surprisingly calm manner. I had to go to work that day. The news did not prevent me from working. My office called a few times, scolding me. I was too sad to bother myself with what they were saying. But, I was calm and collected.

I only talked about some of it later in the afternoon to Shafiq. The moment I said something about it, Nur Shafiq went on ranting about something else, cutting me off early. He talked a lot, like he always does. He didn't give me the chance to grieve. It destroyed my mood even worse. I couldn't talk about it yet. I had to keep it inside.

That night, I posted something on facebook. I wanted to pour everything out. But, I couldn't. Not on facebook. My chest was bursting with sadness. I was at the breaking point. Nur Shafiq had already went to Malacca. I had no one to talk to. My brothers Hasfanizam and Farhan invited me for a sleep over to their new residence. We watched a movie; "Hantu Kak Limah Balik Rumah". It took my mind off the sadness for a little while.

The next day. I posted again on facebook. It was because I had felt a little bit of regret. I felt that I never had a chance to show him appreciation. Appreciate how he was the best person to have as a friend. I remembered all the times we spent together. His favourite colour; blue. His favourite food; Nasi Lemak + Sambal Ikan Bilis. His favourite drink; Teh O Ais.

As the day progressed, I had the chance to talk about it to Shapito through Facebook Chat. Pto was skeptic. He asked me whether our relationship were merely as best friends or did we have something more than that. Poor thing, maybe Pto never had a best friend.

I woke up in the middle of the night that night because of a nightmare. I was halfway through writing him a text message when I realized that he was no longer there to answer. I called Muhammad Ehsan. He was in Sarawak and I shrewdly guessed that he was deep asleep. I dreamed that we were racing each other on motorbikes, and came to a ridge. I crossed that ridge easily, but he didn't. He fell down the deep ravine, looking at me smiling. I tried to jump to him, but I could never reach for him. I woke up in Hasfanizam's house, panting at 4 in the morning. I took a deep breath, and lied down for what seemed an eternity. Flashes of memories played in front of me.

Last Monday, I deleted his phone number from my phone. I resolved to myself to move on. I decided to not forget him, but to remember him happily. Pray to God that he is placed among the pious, and that God blesses his soul.

I loved him like a big brother. I will always remember him for the rest of my life.