Kosong Minda

Salam Sejahtera. ^.^

Kini saya kembali dari kesepian yang telah berlarutan buat berberapa ketika yang agak panjang. Dek kerana kekosongan minda, dan juga hati melimpah ruah dengan perasaan; maka akal itu sedikit terganggu. Merencatkan pembikinan buah-buah fikiran untuk dicurahkan di sini.

Haish..

Namun, jika saya titipkan setiap rasa yang melalui kalbu ini, nescaya tiga hari tiga malam pun mungkin belum habis dibaca. Secara jujurnya, jika hati itu dibandingkan seperti kolam atau perigi, dan air itu adalah perasaannya, maka hati saya adalah seperti sebuah telaga yang melimpah ruah dengan air yang kadang-kadangnya terlalu panas, dan kadang-kadangnya terlalu dingin. Huish, rumit benar agaknya itu.

almaklumlah, saya tidak pernah melalui saat-saat begini.

Namun, tamat bab tersebut. Seperti yang telah saya azamkan seminggu selepas kepulangan beliau, saya harus terus mengingatinya, menghargai kebaikannya, menghormati kenangan dan prinsip hidupnya semasa dia masih bersama kita. Saya gembira kerana diizinkan Tuhan untuk bertemu dengan seorang yang amat baik- seorang yang sempurna bagi saya walau ada cacatnya.

Kebahagiaan yang saya rasa di saat-saat kami bersama itu adalah yang saya akan bawa semasa hidup saya. Saya yakin, beliau pasti mahukan kegembiraan yang diberi beliau terus bersemi di atas bumi yang telah beliau tinggalkan ini.

Beliau adalah seorang yang baik- tidak jemu saya ulangkan di sini.

Pemikirannya yang dalam, dan jauh, tetapi tidak kompleks, mudah, dan memudahkan. Saya teringatkan pepatah bahasa inggeris; "A wise man simplifies things, a fool however, just make things look complicated." Inilah cara pemikiran beliau yang ingin saya contohi. Fikir jauh ke hadapan, dan cari jalan untuk mencapai ke arah itu. Cari jalan terbaik, mudah lagi memudahkan. Tidak perlu akan kerumitan yang merumitkan. Mudah bukan?

Sememangnya memudahkan.

Saya sayangkan semangat keadilan dan kesaksamaan beliau. Beliau pernah menyebut; kita sering melayan anak orang lain lebih baik dan lebih lembut dari cara kita melayan anak sendiri. Ini kerana, kita takut, jika kita melayan anak orang lain seperti sama buruknya layanan yang kita berikan kepada anak sendiri, anak tersebut akan menceritakan perihal ini kepada ibu bapa mereka.

Alangkah baiknya jika anak kita sendiri diberi layanan yang sebaik itu. Ujarnya lagi.

Hehehe. Adil dan Saksama. Saya ada melawan, hujah saya; anak sendiri tidak boleh selalu dimanjakan. lagipun mereka sudah biasa dengan layan sebegitu, bukannya tidak sayang, cuma tidak ditunjukkan sahaja.

Jawab beliau mudah: "Kenapa perlu kita berlebih-lebih menunjukkan kasih sayang kepada anak orang lain? Kera di hutan disusukan, anak di rumah mati dahagakan kasih sayang?"

Kesimpulannya: Keluarga patut diutamakan. Kasih sayang perlu ditunjuk.

Permudahkan, namun jangan ambil mudah.
Sayang, dan anda akan disayangi.

Memory.

Peace upon All. with God's Grace and Mercy.

I should put up pictures with my entries. Just to make my blog look better, more interesting, and more dynamic. The pictures that I put must have a connection with the entry that I write.

My heart is blue today. A bright shade of blue in the morning. It was. When noon arrived, it was brighter still. Until a tint of grey was summoned. It was summoned by my own stupidity. My own fault. For I was not the summoner. I was a mere trigger. A trigger to the summoner, the summoner of the grey, that tinted my blue heart.

The grey tint grew steadfast. It moved with stealth. Unknown to me until the very last few seconds. My heart was blue, but stained with greyness.

When dusk befell, the earth moved quite swift. Inhabitants of the stone jungle, too moved swiftly. Too busy, delving amongst each other, too busy to notice anything.


There he was.
He stood right before me.
He pretended to not to notice.
He turned his face away.
He was the bringer of an even darker grey.

Though no contacts had been established. His presence is darkening enough. Darkening enough to engulf the path that I had trodden, darkening enough to veil the way I was going.

Amidst the bustle of a sea of men. The world was suddenly quiet.

"No!" a deep Voiced boomed. It was strong. It was angry. The voice.
"Do not let this grey stain tint you!" the voice continued. "fight it!! FIGHT IT!!"
"How?" I asked the invisible voice.
"It is all you!" The Voice boomed again. "do not try to find a weapon to fight! Create a weapon! You are wise enough! Why waste time finding solutions? SOLVE IT! Before it stains you further!"
"But I am weak! what weapons can I cast that will be strong enough to fight the Bringer of Darker Grey?" I begged the voice. "What weapons of what make can be used against the Steadfast Bringer?"

"Seek the way of the Beloved. Prostrate thyself towards The One. there thou may find solace. His wisdom shall guide thee to the Straight Path."

There I found solace.
I realized that with His Guidance, no Bringer of Darker Grey can stain my blue heart anymore.
All i need to do is to surrender. Surrender myself to The One. The One whose love is eternal and Everlasting. Lord Almighty.

It was as simple. The answer was right inside me.

Although this deed of surrendering my whole self won't guarantee me serendipity. The Lord Almighty tests us from time to time.

This is just another of his little tests. I can get through this. I'm fine.

The Departure

Tomorrow, will be one week since he had departed to meet his Creator. It has been one week that I have lived without him.

This has been the longest week ever.

I had received a call by mistake that morning. They had intended to call someone else to inform of the demise to me. They were afraid that I might be doing something stupid if I had not been informed correctly. I don't even know myself what I would have done if they did. But, on the day they informed me of his death, I took the news with a surprisingly calm manner. I had to go to work that day. The news did not prevent me from working. My office called a few times, scolding me. I was too sad to bother myself with what they were saying. But, I was calm and collected.

I only talked about some of it later in the afternoon to Shafiq. The moment I said something about it, Nur Shafiq went on ranting about something else, cutting me off early. He talked a lot, like he always does. He didn't give me the chance to grieve. It destroyed my mood even worse. I couldn't talk about it yet. I had to keep it inside.

That night, I posted something on facebook. I wanted to pour everything out. But, I couldn't. Not on facebook. My chest was bursting with sadness. I was at the breaking point. Nur Shafiq had already went to Malacca. I had no one to talk to. My brothers Hasfanizam and Farhan invited me for a sleep over to their new residence. We watched a movie; "Hantu Kak Limah Balik Rumah". It took my mind off the sadness for a little while.

The next day. I posted again on facebook. It was because I had felt a little bit of regret. I felt that I never had a chance to show him appreciation. Appreciate how he was the best person to have as a friend. I remembered all the times we spent together. His favourite colour; blue. His favourite food; Nasi Lemak + Sambal Ikan Bilis. His favourite drink; Teh O Ais.

As the day progressed, I had the chance to talk about it to Shapito through Facebook Chat. Pto was skeptic. He asked me whether our relationship were merely as best friends or did we have something more than that. Poor thing, maybe Pto never had a best friend.

I woke up in the middle of the night that night because of a nightmare. I was halfway through writing him a text message when I realized that he was no longer there to answer. I called Muhammad Ehsan. He was in Sarawak and I shrewdly guessed that he was deep asleep. I dreamed that we were racing each other on motorbikes, and came to a ridge. I crossed that ridge easily, but he didn't. He fell down the deep ravine, looking at me smiling. I tried to jump to him, but I could never reach for him. I woke up in Hasfanizam's house, panting at 4 in the morning. I took a deep breath, and lied down for what seemed an eternity. Flashes of memories played in front of me.

Last Monday, I deleted his phone number from my phone. I resolved to myself to move on. I decided to not forget him, but to remember him happily. Pray to God that he is placed among the pious, and that God blesses his soul.

I loved him like a big brother. I will always remember him for the rest of my life.

Cikgu Matematik

Peace be Upon Us, with God's Grace and Mercy.

Today, I came across a Facebook status by my former classmate Intan Rohani. The status was as follows:

"students, besok jgn kencing dlm seluar lg please?"

for those who can't read mixed English+Malay, Intan asked her students to not pee in their pants again.

I replied to the status "maybe the teacher was too fierce, scaring students till they pee in their pants." Well.. it was a possibility. hehehe.. Then, the memories of primary school flooded back into my mind. One particular teacher popped up in my mind. My standard 5 math teacher. Haish~

She was the most insensible teacher I have ever had the misfortune to encounter. Very short tempered, very arrogant, loves to shout and often under stress. The worst combination to occur in a personality. More over, the even more unfortunate thing was, she was dressed similar to what an Ustazah (female teachers who teach Islamic subject). My first impression to her was; "hurray! math and Religous Studies in one teacher!"

God, how I was wrong.

She was swift to anger. Her cane was swifter. My hands were very familiar with here cane. She was only the second teacher to cane me. The 1st was Ms. Thamis Malar Chelvy- an accident, a boy was running towards my, somehow my hand hit his pocket, and his pocket was torn, and to solve the matter quickly, a cane on my hand- even then I understood her actions and never blamed her. She explained to me later privately that action had to be taken, so that the boy can report back to his parents and hopefully they won't attack the school for this. Yadda.. yadda.. yadda..

One bright sunny day, we had math right after break. She was right on our heels when we were heading for the class. She went in together with our Cikgu Bahasa Melayu. Apparently, they had something important to talk about. I on the other hand, was poked from behind by the Satan in Human Disguise- Amli. My wooden chair moved a little making a little bit of noise. Her eyes darted immediately to me, and she shouted straight away, asking me what happened.

"Amli poked me, ma'am."
"Amli, did you poke him?"
"No ma'am, he's lying."

A stroke of the familiar cane on my hand. I started to hate math.

A few more series of similar events, I had had enough. One day, I refused to go to school. I was crying to my mum one day about her but, mum said to just behave like the teacher likes, surely the teacher will like me. Aiseh man!

Hahaha..

I began finding math very difficult. It was her curse i think that hampered my performance in math. I was doing well in all other subjects except for math [and Pendidikan Jasmani- I hated exercising! hahahaha]. No other teacher in my history of education had even laid a finger on me, except for her. Every year, during the Prize Giving Ceremony, my name is written over the Language Prize for Malay and English. One student can only receive 2 prizes a year. Hehehe..

My math grades fell and fell.. On the End of Year Performance Report Card, she wrote beside the "C" grade that I got "Usaha lagi. Ubahlah sikap supaya dapat menjadi berjaya di masa hadapan." Imagine what my father said when he saw that. It was the longest half and hour I ever experienced. He was very disappointed.

In my mind years later when I read the report card, "What fuc*ing attitude, eh?"

Yeah- I hate her that much.

I never got the hang of studying math after that. Even in later years. I had great difficulties in understanding the great Mathematical concept of simple Algebra. I was math blind. The only time I scored A in math was when I was 13. We studied negative integers. It was more logic than math, so it was easy. I tried hard afterwards. Especially in months leading to SPM. Just name it. what questions haven't I tried at home. I recycled all of the available pages of my old school books to do math revisions and practice by answering questions from exercise books i bought and borrowed. It was difficult. Some time around 2 weeks before the Great Examination, I gave up studying math, and started studying other subjects.

I still hate numbers.

Teachers. Please. Do not do what my math teacher did. In one way or another, she had taken a substantial part in shaping my future as it is now. Please do not hate your students. Love them with all the love you have. May they turn out to be good, law abiding citizens, even though they don't turn out great academically.

This post is specially dedicated to all my friends, who were teachers, who are teachers, and those who will be teachers. Don't teach if you're not prepared. You'll be partly responsible if they go out into the world a failure.

Penunggu Setia

Salam Sejahtera Bersama Rahmat, Kasih dan Sayang Tuhan buat Semua.

Selamat bersiaran kembali bersama saya hos anda Muhammad Firdaus dalam satu lagi edisi rancangan Sejam Bersama Firdaus. Apa khabar para penonton di rumah.... bla..bla..bla..

Hehe.. kadang-kadang saya berangan juga untuk menjadi hos rancangan TV. Sekadar angan-angan, ketika di waktu berseorangan, dan kadang-kadang dikalangan rakan-rakan. Tanpa segan silu saya bingkas menyerap semangat Hos Rancangan TV, lalu terus memainkan watak di hadapan kawan-kawan.Agak menyoronokkan menjadi seorang moderator. kita berpeluang menyingkap kisah-kisah mengagumkan mengenai orang yang kita temuramah, mengupas isu-isu, mencari penyelesaian, menghimpun buah fikiran dan melahirkan kesimpulan, untuk dikongsi dan di renungkan bersama-sama.

Saya bukan seorang yang bijak, yang mampu melahirkan pandangan sendiri mengenai sesuatu perkara, terutamanya perkara yang memerlukan penelitian dan kajian mendalam. Maka, saya rasa, tugas terbaik untuk saya adalah menjadi seorang yang suka bertanya dan meminta pendapat orang.

Hari ini semasa menunggu bas untuk ke tempat kerja, saya ditemani oleh sepasang suami isteri separuh usia. Mereka baru keluar dari hospital. Tangan si suami di balut sedikit dengan kain kasa. Mungkin baru lepas pembedahan kecil- getus hati ku yang agak gembira hari ini. Hehehe.

Setibanya bas yang dinantikan mereka, si isteri yang kurang jelas penglihatan itu berdiri memerhatikan bas yang datang. Ditanya kepada suaminya, "berapa nombor bas tu, bang?"

"Tak tau lah, tak berapa nampak, jauh sangat.." jawab si suami
"Boleh naik kah bas ni?" ujar isterinya lagi.
"Tu bas 302 makcik," aku mencelah "makcik nak pi mana?"
"Ha, kita boleh naik bas 302." kata makcik tersebut.

Setelah itu, beliau menunggu bas tersebut datang. Bas tersebut meluncur seperti biasa, namun tidak menunjukkan tanda-tanda hendak berhenti, kerana makcik ini belum menahan bas tersebut. Apabila bas tersebut sudah dalam kira-kira 20 meter dari perhentian, barulah makcik tersebut mengangkatkan tangannya menahan bas itu.

Dek kerana sudah terlalu dekat, dan bas itu bergerak terlalu laju untuk berhenti dalam jarak yang begitu pendek, sang kapten bas meneruskan perjalanannya tanpa berhenti untuk mengambil pasangan suami isteri itu.

Sang Suami bingkas bangun dan menyumpah seranah Kapten Bas yang tidak mahu memberhentikan bas tersebut. Sumpahannya itu makin menjadi-jadi dan semakin melampau. Habis seluruh tujuh keturunan Kapten bas tersebut dibabitkan sekali.

Hati saya tersentuh dengan keadaan begini. Namun, mungkin beliau masih dalam kesakitan, yang menyebabkan beliau agak marah dengan bas tersebut. Hati saya tergerak untuk mempertahankan Kapten Bas itu. Bukan untuk cari gaduh, namun untuk mententeramkan perasaan pakcik tersebut yang agak marah.

"Makcik tahan bas tadi tu mungkin lambat sangat kut. dia tak sempat tekan brek tu." ujar saya penuh sopan.
"Mana ada!" aku dibentak."dia jauh lagi, baru lepas traffic light!"
"Takdelah.. dah dekat sangat tadi tu." saya teguh mempertahankan Kapten Bas itu," tak sempat dia nak berhenti."
"Sudahlah tu bang," tiba-tiba isteri pakcik itu mencelah juga.
"Mana boleh macam ni! kita tahan bas, dia kena berhenti!" makcik itu turut dibentaknya.

Entah kenapa, hati saya tersentak. Tiba-tiba ada api kemarahan menyala dalam hati ini. Bingkas saya bangun.
"Sudah lah pakcik. Saya betengkar dengan orang tak munahsabah macam pakcik, menambah dosa saya ja!" geramnya saya. "Makcik, saya mintak diri, saya nak tunggu bas kat depan giant."

Saya berjalan dengan agak pantas untuk menunggu bas di tempat lain. Memang sungguh tak munahsabah pakcik itu. Dengan aku sekali kena marah. Kalau bas tu cuba berhenti juga, nescaya boleh berlaku kemalangan. huh!

Hatiku agak riang hari ini. Insiden pakcik penyumpah ini tidak menjejaskan mood saya yang girang. Saya bersolat fardhu Jumaat diteman tiga jejaka kacak hari ini. Terima Kasih En. Faris Ismail kerana sudi menumpangkan saya ke Masjid Umar Al-Khattab Bayan Baru bagi menunaikan kewajipan ini. Allah sahajalah yang dapat membalas budi anda. Mood saya tetap tidak terjejas walaupun lutut saya sakit berdenyut-denyut hari ini. Saya tempang sehingga ke malam! Terima Kasih kepada En. Azlan Kasim yang sudi menemani dan membantu saya yang tempang untuk menaiki bas.

Nantikan kupasan seterusnya hasil pemikiran kurang matang saya yang bertajuk:

"Keterampilan Baik VS Berlakon Bagus, Berperangai Buruk Kerana Tak Mahu Hipokrit?"


Salam Kasih.

Dua Wanita Cantik, Dua Insan Istimewa. Dua Puluh Minit.

Salam Sejahtera, Bersama Rahmat dan Kasih Tuhan buat semua.

Selamat Menyambut Tahun Baharu! ^.^ Semoga tahun Arnab ini menjadi tahun yang amat produkti bagi nusa kita tercinta; sempena mengambil semangat Arnab yang memang sangat produktif! hahaha..

Topik Hari Ini: Dua Wanita Cantik, Dua Insan Istimewa. Dua Puluh Minit. Siapakah wanita-wanita ini? Siapa pula yang istimewa?

Hari ku bermula seperti biasa, tiada apa kepelikan dan tiada berlaku apa-apa yang luar biasa. Tiada pula apa-apa yang menarik telah berlaku. Hari ini, minda saya kosong tanpa ada apa-apa pengisian. Namun, pada waktu asar tadi, semasa bergerak menuju perhentian bas di hadapan Pasaraya Besar Giant di Bayan Baru, saya terlihat seorang kanak-kanak istimewa, sedang menuruni sebuah kereta di tempat meletak kereta di pasaraya tersebut. Rupanya tidak secomel kanak-kanak lain seusia dengannya. Mukanya agak leper, dan kedua-dua matanya agak tersembul keluar, menyebabkan ekspresi mukanya seperti amat marah.

Saya pernah melihat seorang dewasa yang mempunyai rupa sepertinya di Negeri Indera Kayangan, waktu perayaan Krismas yang lalu. Ketika itu, beliau sedang melakukan persembahan seni silat yang diiringi muzik berupa serunai, gong, dan genderang. Rupa parasnya yang istimewa itu mencuit hati para penonton. Tatkala itu, saya tidak pernah terfikir akan masa muda pesilat istimewa itu. Namun, memandang wajah kanak-kanak istimewa itu membuatkan saya berfikir sejenak, bagaimanakah agaknya masa muda Pesilat Istimewa itu. Tentu agak perit.

Jika Pesilat Istimewa itu hidup dalam masyarakat majmuk Malaysia yang biasa, maka saya amat pasti kehidupannya pasti dipenuhi ejekan, tohmahan dan cercaan yang barangkali sering melukakan hatinya. Sudah menjadi lumrah masyarakat Malaysia, gemar menghina dan mencerca orang-orang yang tidak serupa dengan orang normal. Hehe.. orang normal pun dicerca, tambah lagi orang kurang normal.

Persoalan yang timbul. Adakah ibubapa zaman kini menggalakkan anak-anak mereka menghina orang lain? Tidakkah mereka mendidik anak-anak mereka agar berkelakuan sopan dan menjaga tutur kata? Saya boleh menerima lawak jenaka pada orang normal, namun, menghina orang istimewa adalah sangat melampau bagi saya.

Mungkin, inilah lumrah kehidupan.

Fikiran menerawang lagi. Bagaimana pula nanti kehidupan yang akan dilalui oleh Kanak-kanak Istimewa tadi.

Saya mendoakan agar Allah menjaga beliau, dan menghindarkan beliau dari dihina, dicerca dan dijadikan bahan ketawa orang lain. Amin.


Orang Istimewa kedua yang saya jumpa, beliau menaiki motorsikal bersaiz mini, melungsuri jalan dengan agak laju, setara kenderaan lain bersaiz normal. Saya kagum dengan usaha gigih Orang Istimewa berkenaan. Saiz bukanlah masalah. Di mana ada kemahuan, di situ ada motor bersaiz mini. hahaha.

Baiklah- moving on to Wanita Cantik Pertama..

Masa: Lepas Asar
Lokasi: Dalam Bas Rapid

Seorang Wanita Cantik, manis bertudung, ditemani ibunya. Sering memandang ke arah saya (atau mungkin saya yang perasan). ^.^ Tatkala waktu asar, disirami cahaya petang yang amat menarik, beliau kelihatan amat cantik. Matanya yang agak garang, hidungnya yang kecil, dan bibirnya yang merah dan mungil. Sweet.

Lokasi dan tempat yang sama. Seorang wanita muda berumur lebih kurang 20'an (i am bad at guessing ages) memakai kebaya merah jambu dari kain yang agak jarang,

[urm iklan jap- nak ushar si Bibir Merah Mungil. Ibu + Bapa + Adiknya pun ada sekali.. grrr.. geram tengok bibir dia.. bila dia senyum.. uhh.. cair... alamak! dia senyum kat aku!! n dia lambai!!! waaaaaa!!! uhh!! ]

[selepas 1/2 jam]

hehehe... hahh! puas usha si bibir merah~

urm.. katna dah? ahh.. yess.. Baju Kebaya Merah Jambu Jarang + Kain Batik Jawa, dan solekan yang elok, tidak terlalu tebal, sanggulan rambut yang sederhana.

rasa x dak mood nak cerita pasal kakak baju kebaya pink plak.. haih.. nak ushar Si Bibir Merah Mungil lah!